I just heard about a story that should be filed in the “too strange to be fiction” category of security:

Mr Lyalin, an electrician, had spent the evening drinking with a watchman at his workplace when they got into an argument, Interfax news agency reports.

The morning found him waking up in the watchman’s office but instead of going back to work, he decided to take the bus home.

At home, Mr Lyalin had some sausage from the fridge and lay down to sleep, the Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper says.

After a couple of hours, his wife noticed the handle sticking out of his back and called an ambulance.

Viktor Belov, a surgeon who treated him, found a kitchen knife in Mr Lyalin’s back but “by good fortune, it had gone through soft tissue without touching vital organs”.

I don’t know why they have to report on the sausage. Pork or beef? Anyway, here’s the real punchline:

His alleged attacker reported the crime to the police himself, Interfax adds. Mr Lyalin apparently feels fine and bears no ill-will.

“We were drinking and what doesn’t happen when you’re drunk?” he was quoted by Komsomolskaya Pravda as saying.

Just the sort of logic you might want in your watchman and their friends, no? I suppose he’s right; if you are drinking often then everything does in fact happen when you are drunk. At least they both were honest about it. Wonder if the watchman’s log reads something like: “Started drinking heavily in the office, argued with visiting friend, stabbed friend in the back, reported incident to police, went home.”