The Onion Terror News Update

You can really tell there has been a lull in terror attacks and warnings when The Onion writes a story called “U.S. Authorities Can’t Really Fault Al-Qaeda For Deadly Bombing Of Carnival Cruise Ship”:

“Terrorism is a crime against humanity for which there can never be any justification,” Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano told reporters. “But then again, so is a 130,000-ton boat with an indoor ice skating rink, 24-hour buffet access, and a dance club called the Caliente Lounge. To condemn al-Qaeda outright for this attack would be to ignore the fact that, well, you can’t really argue with them on this one.”

[…]

Foreign leaders in France, Britain, and Germany, as well as citizens in the Carnival Cruise port city of St. Thomas, have joined the U.S. in issuing strongly worded statements of their own, saying that the suspected architect of the attack, Ayman al-Zawahiri, did the United States a huge favor. In addition, sources in the State Department said their only problem with the strike was that it wasn’t on a Disney cruise ship, which they claimed would have allowed al-Qaeda to kill two birds with one stone.

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