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i'm a bananaDon Hertzfeldt

Funny guy, that Don Hertzfeldt. Bitter, but funny.

He, like many of us, has been seeking the inner poetry in spam:

tonight i realized its been two years since i last wrote you poetry entirely cut and pasted from spam texts. apologies

slot machines uncovered
get rid of the pounds you hate
Made from an African cactus
never scrub your toilet bowl again.

Choosing the right corporate structure
Free today only, hurry!
Photoshop, Windows, Office.
my peenis is able to move without interruption

Sensationall revoolution in medicine!
Full of health? Then don’t click,
We cure any disease
Easy-to-clean pump container

Get paid to spend time with your kids
The pictures of Avery have been updated.
Shocking top secret wealth building program!
No anguish, just adoration.

Better success, wool moth
Let’s face it, you’ve always wanted it.
Bahama cruise voucher winner!
make your fat friends envy you

Do you want a w-atch?
Become a law enforcement professional.
What’s on your coffee wish list?
cursed by God,with a bucket and the milk can

Sudan releases Solvenian “spy”

Here’s an interesting story about identity:

Kriznar is well known in Slovenia as a human rights activist.

He travelled to Sudan’s troubled Darfur region in February as the Slovenian president’s envoy.

Three months ago, Slovenia held talks with two rebel movements which refused to accept a peace agreement between the main rebel faction and Khartoum.

Sudanese investigators said Kriznar was travelling around Darfur taking pictures and shooting video material of villages there.

Our identity, let alone intentions or motive, can be tough to prove in a stable environment like a local bank or in your preferred hospital. It can be nearly impossible to prove when we face an ad hoc and violent environment, especially when we pull out a camera and start taking “evidence” of our surroundings. Hard to tell what the exact circumstances were but it seems that Kriznar might have been pushing his luck even though he was part of the Slovenian President’s envoy, or maybe the Sudanese found him to be an easy target.

Drinking Alone With the Moon

by Li Bai (701-762)

My pot of wine among some flowers
I drank alone. No one to join me —
And then, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
To bring my shadow and together make us three.

Alas, the moon was unable to drink
And my shadow haunted me emptily;
But still for a while I had these friends
To cheer me through the end of spring.

When I sang, the moon encouraged me.
As I danced, my shadow tumbled after.
And so before long, we were fine companions.
Then I was drunk, and we lost one another.

Should such goodwill ever be secure?
Perhaps we will meet again someday
along the River of Stars.

This is my rough translation. Another (probably far more accurate) version can be found here.

Edited to add (9/13/06): And here is another version; the best I’ve read so far:

In the middle of the flowering grove, one jug of beer.
Drinking alone – no friends or family near –
I raise my cup, invite the moon to join me.
Counting my shadow, we’re a party of three.

But moon’s a lightweight, doesn’t know how to drink,
And shadow simply matches me cup for cup.
For now, though, they’ll do just fine, I think.
Spring is here, my friends! Let’s live it up.

I start to sing; the moon sways to and fro.
I get up and dance – shadow reels in disarray.
Sober, we crave the company of some jolly fellow;
Drunk, each goes his separate way.

Freed of all ties, yet bound forever more,
Let’s get back together on the galaxy’s far shore.

Scooter Airbag

Things like this airbag-equipped scooter in the Taipei Times make me think I should create a humor category. I mean, even if you wanted to prevent yourself from being hurt while riding a scooter, is an airbag exploding in your crotch really a good idea? Seems like a belt would achieve the same thing much more simply, and could be set to break above a certain load if that were a concern. I’m all for kevlar suits with armor, helmets, gloves and boots but I’ll pass on this concept. Maybe if the airbag were about ten times larger and covered the entire scooter, like a giant wrap-around pillow that would pop out so you could land in it no matter what direction you were impacted…and the force of your landing would cause it to dial the emergency services…

Ok, but seriously, would you want this thing to blow up between your legs?

scooter airbag