by Dana Goodyear, in Dream of Safety

Don’t go—let me explain.
There’s no one else.
Just this hanger-on,
eating in the dark and fearing
for its life. For the life of me
I can’t get rid of it.
It’s feeding at the heartmeat,
making scrimshaw of the bone.

For some reason I wish she had said gnawing….

Not sure where these came from, but I found them amusing:

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt.

2. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to read your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

3. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted

4. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it may have been worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember why or when.

12. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.

13. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

14. There are two theories to arguing. Neither wins.

15. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

There could be more about the importance of nothingness, or the lessons from passive versus active involvement, but at least it is funny.

Number 13, for example, could be taken to mean that a closed mouth is best because there is less risk. However, this seems counter to many Zen sayings that laud open spaces for their utility, and do not try to fight against the risks of utility.

Tao Te Ching #11, as translated by Charles Muller, gives a fine example:

Thirty spokes join together in the hub.
It is because of what is not there that the cart is useful.
Clay is formed into a vessel.
It is because of its emptiness that the vessel is useful.
Cut doors and windows to make a room.
It is because of its emptiness that the room is useful.
Therefore, what is present is used for profit.

But it is in absence that there is usefulness.

An absence of speech versus a closed mouth. Very different images to me. Both could lead to less interference and therefore an opening of the mind. So a closed mouth might make sense, but it is not the best representation for openness. I guess that is what makes the above a Zen Sarcasm list.

by Roald Dahl

In England once there lived a big
And wonderfully clever pig.
To everybody it was plain
That Piggy had a massive brain.
He worked out sums inside his head,
There was no book he hadn’t read.
He knew what made an airplane fly,
He knew how engines worked and why.
He knew all this, but in the end
One question drove him round the bend:
He simply couldn’t puzzle out
What LIFE was really all about.
What was the reason for his birth?
Why was he placed upon this earth?
His giant brain went round and round.
Alas, no answer could be found.
Till suddenly one wondrous night.
All in a flash he saw the light.
He jumped up like a ballet dancer
And yelled, “By gum, I’ve got the answer!”
“They want my bacon slice by slice
“To sell at a tremendous price!
“They want my tender juicy chops
“To put in all the butcher’s shops!
“They want my pork to make a roast
“And that’s the part’ll cost the most!
“They want my sausages in strings!
“They even want my chitterlings!
“The butcher’s shop! The carving knife!
“That is the reason for my life!”
Such thoughts as these are not designed
To give a pig great piece of mind.
Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland,
A pail of pigswill in his hand,
And piggy with a mighty roar,
Bashes the farmer to the floor…
Now comes the rather grizzly bit
So let’s not make too much of it,
Except that you must understand
That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland,
He ate him up from head to toe,
Chewing the pieces nice and slow.
It took an hour to reach the feet,
Because there was so much to eat,
And when he finished, Pig, of course,
Felt absolutely no remorse.
Slowly he scratched his brainy head
And with a little smile he said,
“I had a fairly powerful hunch
“That he might have me for his lunch.
“And so, because I feared the worst,
“I thought I’d better eat him first. “

The pig clearly thought negotiation of terms, or finding common values, was out of the question.