Category Archives: Poetry

Edinburgh bans SN07 from IDs

This seems odd to me. What will regulators think of next? Will they ban actual snot?

The BBC explains the risk in an article humorously called “DVLA says ‘offensive’ SN07 number plates are snot allowed“.

The change means that cars registered in the capital are the only ones in Scotland not to begin with an S.

A DVLA spokesperson said the decision to change the plates was taken to avoid offending car buyers in the capital.

She added: “It is our policy that any registration mark that can be construed as being offensive to people will be suppressed.

“In this case, the SN07 marks would have been too similar to the word ‘snot’ and, as that could possibly offend some buyers, they were replaced with new TN07 registrations.”

Snot is really offensive to people? Another story by the BBC suggests the opposite, that poetry about snot is a good way to help children learn about health and medicine. Yes, poetry about snot:

North London GP Nick Krasner, has harnessed the fascination for all things “icky” to entertain and educate.

In ‘Oozing Medical Poems’ he tackles the issues of bugs, appendicitis and personal hygiene through 11 poems aimed at seven to 11-year-olds.

How offensive. Well, at least now plates from Scotland will be harder to identify. Wait, wasn’t that the point of the S?

Maybe they should have changed the N instead of the S? Is SP07 offensive to anyone? What about SC07?

Meanwhile, in American news, a federal judge has ruled that the state of Illinois is required to offer license plates with controversial political slogans:

A federal judge yesterday ordered state officials to offer license plates with the pro-adoption motto “Choose Life,” brushing aside claims that the slogan is really a thinly disguised anti-abortion message.

No, that’s not an anti-abortion plate. It’s an anti-war message. Maybe the pro-life lobby will push for a plate that says “If you’re running on gasoline, you just killed a marine.” Too controversial? To be clear the plate perhaps should read “choose life, unless it gets in the way of oil and pride, then shoot freely”.

Former state Sen. Patrick O’Malley, R-Palos Park, another sponsor, said in a telephone interview last night that it made no difference even if “Choose Life” did represent an anti-abortion slogan.

“Does that make it bad?” O’Malley said. “Whether it is or it isn’t you should still be allowed to express yourself.”

O’Malley clearly does not have a problem with SN07 on his ID. I guess he would also support the MPEACHW plate owner who is being asked by the state of South Dakota to surrender her personalized ID. The Rapid City Journal explains:

State law declares motor vehicle licenses plates to be the property of the state as long as the plates are valid. The law also allows personalized plates with as many as seven letters for an extra $25 fee. But it gives DMV officials the right to refuse to issue “any letter combination which carries connotations offensive to good taste and decency.�

Hillmer said MPEACHW meets that criterion. The plates never would have been issued if DMV officials had caught their meaning at the time Moriah applied, Hillmer said.

“This was one that we apparently missed when it came through originally, and we received a complaint from an individual that found it offensive,� she said, declining to identify the individual or provide the contents of the complaint. “I don’t think we ever would have issued it if we’d have picked up on what it was inferring.�

So there you have it. A manual process, perhaps a mere individual, sitting and looking at untold license plate applications and trying to decipher meanings to protect the public from harm. Is that person a trained linguist? A code analyst? Will computers be increasingly used to search a database for offensive patterns? The concept of a state-owned identity that can be personalized presents interesting cross-section of philosophy, security and technology.

Fluke

by Dana Goodyear, in Dream of Safety

Don’t go—let me explain.
There’s no one else.
Just this hanger-on,
eating in the dark and fearing
for its life. For the life of me
I can’t get rid of it.
It’s feeding at the heartmeat,
making scrimshaw of the bone.

For some reason I wish she had said gnawing….

Zen Sarcasm

Not sure where these came from, but I found them amusing:

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt.

2. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to read your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

3. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted

4. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it may have been worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember why or when.

12. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.

13. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

14. There are two theories to arguing. Neither wins.

15. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

There could be more about the importance of nothingness, or the lessons from passive versus active involvement, but at least it is funny.

Number 13, for example, could be taken to mean that a closed mouth is best because there is less risk. However, this seems counter to many Zen sayings that laud open spaces for their utility, and do not try to fight against the risks of utility.

Tao Te Ching #11, as translated by Charles Muller, gives a fine example:

Thirty spokes join together in the hub.
It is because of what is not there that the cart is useful.
Clay is formed into a vessel.
It is because of its emptiness that the vessel is useful.
Cut doors and windows to make a room.
It is because of its emptiness that the room is useful.
Therefore, what is present is used for profit.

But it is in absence that there is usefulness.

An absence of speech versus a closed mouth. Very different images to me. Both could lead to less interference and therefore an opening of the mind. So a closed mouth might make sense, but it is not the best representation for openness. I guess that is what makes the above a Zen Sarcasm list.

The Pig

by Roald Dahl

In England once there lived a big
And wonderfully clever pig.
To everybody it was plain
That Piggy had a massive brain.
He worked out sums inside his head,
There was no book he hadn’t read.
He knew what made an airplane fly,
He knew how engines worked and why.
He knew all this, but in the end
One question drove him round the bend:
He simply couldn’t puzzle out
What LIFE was really all about.
What was the reason for his birth?
Why was he placed upon this earth?
His giant brain went round and round.
Alas, no answer could be found.
Till suddenly one wondrous night.
All in a flash he saw the light.
He jumped up like a ballet dancer
And yelled, “By gum, I’ve got the answer!”
“They want my bacon slice by slice
“To sell at a tremendous price!
“They want my tender juicy chops
“To put in all the butcher’s shops!
“They want my pork to make a roast
“And that’s the part’ll cost the most!
“They want my sausages in strings!
“They even want my chitterlings!
“The butcher’s shop! The carving knife!
“That is the reason for my life!”
Such thoughts as these are not designed
To give a pig great piece of mind.
Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland,
A pail of pigswill in his hand,
And piggy with a mighty roar,
Bashes the farmer to the floor…
Now comes the rather grizzly bit
So let’s not make too much of it,
Except that you must understand
That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland,
He ate him up from head to toe,
Chewing the pieces nice and slow.
It took an hour to reach the feet,
Because there was so much to eat,
And when he finished, Pig, of course,
Felt absolutely no remorse.
Slowly he scratched his brainy head
And with a little smile he said,
“I had a fairly powerful hunch
“That he might have me for his lunch.
“And so, because I feared the worst,
“I thought I’d better eat him first. “

The pig clearly thought negotiation of terms, or finding common values, was out of the question.