Tesla Owners Prefer Wearing Apple Goggles When They Crash and Burn to Death

Some excellent market analysis is just in from Hard Drive.

“Our product has completely changed the way Americans die in Teslas,” said Greg Joswiak, Apple’s senior vice president of marketing, in an in-store demo. “No longer will people simply burn alive or watch helplessly as their car drives itself into the side of an overpass. We see the potential for more.”

Joswiak then detailed specific ways the Apple Vision Pro can enhance the experience of not paying attention while driving.

“Imagine, you’re halfway through watching Killers Of The Flower Moon in full 4K on your Apple Vision Pro. Leonardo DiCaprio is eating a plate of very sweet dumplings…”

…and then boom, you’re dying in a fire, people you crashed into are dying, but you remain blissfully unaware and focused on high resolution dumplings being eaten instead of realizing your complete failure to family, friends and society.

Less than a month after its release, a Tesla Cybertruck caused major damage…

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