Porsche Quietly Announces eBikes

I don’t understand the appeal of a Porsche at all, which probably is why their eBike announcement lands flat.

They have two models available until August 2023. Why? No explanation given.

The price seems double other brands, with no explanation why either.

Someone in their marketing department either doesn’t ride bikes or doesn’t care about them. Maybe they were mad they got assigned the eBike copy. In any case, here’s the kind of thing they wrote:

…hydraulic disc brakes from Magura bring you to a standstill quickly and safely.

Who on a bike gets excited about the imagery of a standstill? Is that what they want us to focus on? Not riding?

Oh the thrill of a bike… not moving at all, feet on the ground.

…robust wheels from Crankbrothers guarantee maximum directional stability…

Robust stability? Robust directional stability? Wat. How about stiffness or weight?

There’s not much more to the announcement, to be honest.

…the very latest powerful Shimano drive unit consisting of motor, battery and mechanical gears ensures effortless acceleration…

Drive unit?

Ok, who in their right mind would describe pedaling as effortless acceleration?

That’s not pedaling.

Just give it a throttle and stop pretending it isn’t a motorcycle, if acceleration was intended to have no effort.

And who describes a bike as a powerful drive unit of motor, battery and gears? That’s what they think is powerful, not a fine machined crank pushed by muscle?


Go buy yourself a set of overpriced brakes and useless pedals to stand idly or sit still and hope to be noticed for doing nothing:


Come to think of it, that describes their car owners pretty well.

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